Yesterday, rumor had it that former stay-at-home cat babysitter Calvin Harris would be releasing a diss track about his ex-girlfriend Taylor Swift. And it turns out this information—partially—is true. Today Harris released "Olé" with John Newman (no relation), and though it doesn't address Taylor Swift by name or include juicy gossip about their relationship, it's still worth a listen because it's filled with a ton of embarrassing lines that sound like they were copy and pasted from an eighth grader's Tumblr. Here's a sampling:
"I feel so good when I leave your apartment."
"I kiss you once, then I stare at the ceiling."
"I see online that you've begun to be a good girl and take trips with your boyfriend, being attentive, continue to pretend."
"You've hidden my name on your phone so you can call me to tell me you've been going through hell."
"My heart speaks. I ain't seen you or been with you for weeks."
"Loki, you won't tell your friends about me." [OK]
Oh, and the chorus: "Olé, you bring too much sunlight to my day."
It probably wouldn't be so bad if the song didn't have some dopey, half-assed beach vibe, like Jack Johnson without the flip flops.
Calvin. Calvin! Come on, man, I know you're going through a rough time and all, but do you need Taylor to write all your breakup songs, too? You're really making it obvious that she made the right choice here.
