It's safe to say that 2016 has been an entirely ridiculous and dumbfounding year thus far. There's been death, disaster, Drake (so much Drake) along with murky political upheaval and a pervading sense of bad news waiting around the corner of each new day.
But we're not here to talk about the big stuff. No, there's enough of that out there already. Instead we turn our clinical eye to the fads and phases that are irritating us this summer, from the baffling resurrection of Pokémon to that bloke down the pub who becomes Paxman after two pints.
Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift
The reptile romance that just won't give you a breather. He is tall and alarmingly intense; she is tall and alarmingly intense. Together they are A-list Power couple no.2012304, a PR's dream and your Instagram feed's worst nightmare. They're that couple you can't stand, rubbing their saccharine infatuation in your listless, crumb-covered face. No two people should ever look that happy. It just isn't right.
Social Media Politics
Do you want to know what the worst thing about Brexit was? Apart from the potential economic ruin, rampant increase in xenophobia and black tunnel of anxious unknowing? The worst thing about Brexit was every bloke who's sat through an episode of Question Time wading in with their Facebook statuses that always, always started with the immortal intros: "I don't normally do this, but..." Or, "I just felt like I had to write this..."
No. One. Cares. For what seemed like months, every social media feed overflowed with fearless, hard-hitting political analysts, dishing out the facts that the people needed to hear oh so badly. Please can we go back to being disenfranchised and cynical and sardonic? It was nicer back then.
That Dog Snapchat Filter
Snapchat: all the kids are using it. But there's one bafflingly popular aspect of the app that has us questioning what this grim life really means. That dog filter.
We are now deep into the age of the selfie, but has it really gotten so bad that we have to mask our insecurities beneath the animated veneer of an animal that uses its tongue as toilet paper? Dogs are great, that's a given, but they don't belong on your face.
Cold Brew Coffee
Obviously iced coffee has been around for a while, but haven't you heard? It's called cold brew now. "What's the difference?" you ask the barista wearing a beanie inside in July. "Don't worry about it, dude," he says. "But that'll £4.95 for that special batch of cold brew...dude."
Essentially anything prefixed with the word "cold" - see cold pressed juice - is now worthy of a trendy, sourdough and exposed brick wall premium price. Because getting coffee down to a cold temperature is extremely taxing, didn't you know?
Pokémon Go
It's bigger than Tinder, it's catching up on Twitter, it's bloody Pokémon Go lads and it's everywhere!
The virtual reality game that aims to ensnare you in a dark web of childhood nostalgia and chronic adult immaturity has taken over our pavements, parks and pubs. It's turned your housemate and Clive from HR into quivering '90s crack-addled fiends and it's sent Nintendo's stock soaring.
Shit Blonde Haircuts
Not really seen since 2002, the all-over bleached blonde haircut crept its way back into the zeitgeist during the early part of this year, before becoming a fully fledged thing for summer, thanks to Justin Bieber and a slew of Premier League footballers - never a good sign if you want a trend to be cool.
When you're 14 and looking to impress the ladies, a powerful set of frosted tips was but a rite of passage, but it's 2016 and you're 28 and those moobs are creeping in. You say they're not, but we all know. The last thing you need is a platinum blonde barnet. It's the last thing anyone needs, really.
