You've seen it, right? Ozil's majestic goal from last night's Champions League game against Ludogorets.
A goal of such beauty that it makes the National Gallery look like walls of night-dried vomit. A goal of such effortless panache that every ballet dancer in the world has retired in shame.
You've probably watched it a couple of hundred times already - but if you ask us, you should only crack it out when it's really necessary. Like...
1 | When, three sips deep into an office coffee, you notice someone else's crusty lip mark on the mug.
2 | When you bump into an old workmate ('Banter Steve') at lunch, and you desperately want to rekindle the long-dormant banter you used to share (that's how he got his name), but you end up asking "so, how have you been?!" three times in succession before ducking away in embarrassment.
3 | When your girlfriend orders a £65 HDMI cable even though it's a complete waste of money because they're no different from the budget models AND YOU'VE TOLD HER THAT but she doesn't believe you and, honestly? It's putting a real strain on the relationship.
4 | When someone on the next desk starts talking about how much he loved his holiday to "Barphfelona".
5 | When someone chooses the 'Maybe' option on your Facebook birthday event. We'll alert the paparazzi just in case.
6 | When someone that you used to respect uses the words "Hump Day" in an email.
7 | When you remember that a tyrannical reality star, made of congealed Wotsit dust and hatred, could be the most powerful man on Earth by the end of the week.
8 | When your aunt adds you on Facebook and asks simple tech questions about her computer in the comment section of your profile picture.
9 | When you're being completely outclassed on FIFA by someone who was born in 2008. (FYI, that was the year when you got bang into Hollyoaks for some reason)
