Have you heard about this cool new film called Passengers? It's the one about space that stars some cool humans, Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence, who also happen to be attractive humans, which is essentially why they qualify as cool humans, as well as Michael Sheen, who plays an attractive robot, and not a human.
There has been a smattering of headlines about Passengers, just a handful of press appearances. Did you miss them? Here, I'll summarise:
"Fun with 'Passengers' stars Lawrence, Pratt"
"Jennifer Lawrence Makes Interview Awkward for Chris Pratt with Just One Question"
"Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence Brutally Roasted Each Other"
"Chris Pratt Reveals Details Of His 'Passengers' Sex Scene With Jennifer Lawrence"
"Chris Pratt Says Getting Naked with Jennifer Lawrence on Passengers was far from Sizzling"
"Chris Pratt Reveals He and Jennifer Lawrence Had a Glass of Wine Before Filming Sex Scene"
Etc., etc., etc., until the end of time, or the end of Internet content, or until this goddam movie comes out, whichever comes first.
So, spoiler alert, the two cool and attractive people pictured above totally do it, and they do it in space. Cool! It's almost like this onscreen coupling was the sole purpose of making the movie!
In reality, two humans waking up from hibernation on a space ship that won't reach a planet for another 90 years—by which time they'll most likely be dead—would not immediately have sex. The plot seems to rely heavily on some version of Stockholm Syndrome and lack of male respect for female autonomy, which is problematic. But, in reality, like actual real life, could they do it in space?
Neil deGrasse Tyson, who apparently doesn't answer emails with "sex in space" queries but will talk to the Today show about space sex, told Matt Lauer a year ago, "If you're weightless in space, you need a lot of straps and things." Kinky. Well, no. Tyson continued: "You learn Newton's laws of motion firsthand when that happens—you hit, and there's a lot of recoiling." And then he moved his hands like so to demonstrate:
I bet I know two bodies that didn't move like that while filming a certain sex scene in space.
Even if aesthetics and bouncing skin weren't an issue, arousal would be difficult in space, according to physicist John Millis, Ph.D. He told BuzzFeed that male astronauts record lower testosterone levels while in space. Blood pressure is also lower, making it more difficult for men and women to get, and remain, physically hard. Additionally, liquid—sweat, other things—blobs and pools in low gravity.
But then, gravity seems to be only a part-time issue for beautiful humans Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt, if the trailer is any indication. Plus, NASA insists no two humans have ever had sex in space, and it has given no indication it is researching space sex or its effects on human bodies, so what does anyone really know, anyway?
Which is all to say that Passengers looks like a ridiculous movie without even a passing chance at qualifying as a thought-provoking science-fiction adventure that tests two humans' capacity for love, physically and mentally, in uncharted space. Too bad. At least the sex scene is probably hot.
