Twitter is a sulfurous, boiling cauldron of despair, but it does occasionally provide fleeting moments of joy. The best, and probably the only, worthwhile example of its utility comes when someone you follow posts what they imagine is going to be an innocuous photo, and are thereupon immediately beset by comments about everything else besides the actual intended focus. A selfie taken in the mirror to show off a new haircut, for example, might quickly devolve into a pack of irony-famished hyenas nit-picking the contents of your bathroom shelf in the background. It's never not funny.
That's what happened to Michael Hurley on Thursday, when he shared a photo of his one year old daughter watching Bill Simmons on TV. Hurley, a writer and producer for CBS Boston Sports, home of 98.5 the Sports Hub, often appears on the station himself, and he's been one of the more dogged and readable reporters throughout the entire Deflategate hornswoggle (read this and this).
But none of that matters anymore, because on Thursday his readers and fans learned that he's also the owner of the worst TV set-up in the history of mankind, something that a few dozen flabbergasted souls on Twitter promptly informed him of.
I chatted with Hurley to find out how it feels to watch such an improperly hung TV.
OK, I guess my first question is, why the hell is your TV hung there?
My TV is there because it's the best spot possible in the living room. I swear.
Is that your main TV, the one you watch sports for your job on? What room is that, the kitchen?
It's my main TV. Right in the living room. I can see it from the kitchen, though. That's something the haters don't know.
What kind of mounting apparatus you got rigged up there? You put it up yourself?
It's actually mounted well. My father helped me because if I did it, it'd be a disaster. My father is a real man who owns tools and knows how to use them. This puppy is mounted excellently. Also, here's something else the haters never mention: WHERE ARE MY WIRES? WHERE IS MY CABLE BOX? In the basement. But nobody wants to talk about my wire-free environment.
Did you and your dad do that? You have them threaded though the wall or whatever?
My dad did all the work. I watched and then swept up all the leftover wires and stuff.
Can I see the other angles to see what we're dealing with here?
We haven't yet bought our couch but it'll be a sectional in the corner opposite the TV. It's not crooked like it looks in the picture. When you have a baby you rush like hell to snap photos before they move and ruin your great idea for a photo. But look, this thing is level as hell.
Did 100 people pipe up saying BE CAREFUL WITH THE BABY THERE?
Well, BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR BABY Twitter wasn't as bad as WHY IS YOUR TV THERE Twitter. And neither group comes close to CHARGE YOUR PHONE BATTERY Twitter. CHARGE YOUR PHONE Twitter is the worst.
So, let me get this straight: going forward, you, a professional sports writer, who dishes out a lot of hot takes—and does good reporting, to be sure—are going to be using this vantage point from which to base your articles on that people will read? And we're supposed to take you seriously?
To be sure, nobody should take anything I say seriously. But yeah. It's not an impressive setup. I think it's a 36-incher. But it's actually a nice setup. I'm not too worried about getting roasted on Twitter all day because most visionaries are ahead of their time and are forced to exist as outcasts of society. One can never win on Twitter. The other night I posted a picture of my goddamn coffee and people chimed in with "clean your stove" and "didn't spring for the stainless steel appliances?" My TV mount works on TVs from 32-72 inches so if people want to chip in and upgrade me, they can. Just imagine what they'd say if they saw my dadjama pants.
