You know what the thing about Leonardo DiCaprio is, don't you?
While other Hollywood stars are cut and preened, bronzed, hewn, chiseled, polished and draped in designer clothes worth more than the GDP of Moldova, Leo exists above it all, like a pot-bellied, man-bunned deity in bad jeans and dirty t-shirts.
Women love him for his insouciant charisma - that and the fact he was Jack in Titanic 100 years ago - and men love him because he's great at his job and spends ¾ of the year lounging on superyachts, Jack Nicholson's baton resting somewhere in his beach bag.
There are better looking actors, there are better dressed actors, and yet, and yet... it's just Leo, isn't it? The trend-bucking, jet-setting, cargo short-wearing eternal bachelor we all wish we could, deep down, be. At least for a while.
In a comprehensive and extremely thorough study, we breakdown exactly what it is that makes DiCaprio the king of not giving a f***, so you can give less of a one too.
Don't waste your time on fashion
Fashion, right? It's a tiring game. Trends, seasons, sizes, cut, quality and all the rest. Don't you just want to be able to chuck on those jeans from '96 and say a great big screw you to style sometimes?Well, if you're Leonardo DiCaprio that's exactly what you do.
He could be ensconced in the finest silks of the Orient or the entire Gucci A/W17 collection if he wished, but our man Leo is more of a tired-dad-on-a-Sunday kind of guy. Nearly all other A-listers would be maligned for dressing so badly off duty, but Leo has turned flat caps, bad jeans and worse t-shirts into a sort of counter-style trademark, for which he can only be applauded.
And when he is forced to go formal - like to win an award or something - Leo likes to keep it simple with a minimal effort black tux, leaving it to guys like Eddie Redmayne and Ryan Gosling to test the boundaries of flamboyant formalwear. All of which gives him more time to think about the important things, like the environment and models.
Collect an Oscar like it's no big deal
Most Oscar winning speeches centre around sycophantic thank yous and weak-kneed blubbering, but not when Leo (finally) took to the podium to accept Best Actor for The Revenant this year. Instead, he chose to talk about the one thing no one else in the room was thinking about: the future of mankind and the state of the natural world.
That's right. Forget the fact he was at the biggest backslapping ceremony humanity has devised. Forget the fact he was the man everyone in the room - nay, watching world - was willing to win. When the moment of victory came, Leo ignored Oscars speech etiquette and went off on one about the impending environmental apocalypse, making everyone feel thoroughly silly for caring about films or celebrities or nice dresses in the process.
Never sacrifice your yacht time
Conserving the rainforests of Borneo and preventing the eradication of indigenous Canadian cultures is all very well and virtuous, but yachts are still great, aren't they? Leo knows this, Leo understands that when you're worth £200 million then yachts are just part of the package. What else are you going to do? Stay in a hotel? No thanks.
There aren't many people who can get away with holding both the environment and superyachts in equally high regard, but Leo can. And who are we to deny a man his passions? Who. Are. We?
Embrace mocked trends
Goatees, man-buns and vaping: the holy trifecta of contemporary male derision. Imagine turning up for work tomorrow sporting a David Brent goatee? Imagine asking someone if they're ok with you vaping? Imagine tying your hair into a man-bun, gazing intently into the depths of your mirror and nodding with quiet confidence, slowly mouthing the words "I am ready"? You can't imagine these things.
But here's Leo again. Smug, handsome, carefree on a yacht Leo. With his man bun and his watermelon e-cigarette and his lovingly curated goatee. He's getting away with it. We don't know how, but he is.
Don't be scared to get a bit wet
We're just going to let the picture do all the talking on this one.
Start your own fitness craze
The 'Dad Bod' pandemic was a peculiar and inexplicable craze that spread across the internet like flabby wildfire early last year. The curious logic behind its popularity being that women preferred a man who wasn't obese, but wasn't afraid of an £11 seafood buffet and a good time either. And who was the archetype and author held up as a glowing, paunched originator of this trend? It was Leo of course.
While other movie stars and men toil in sweaty misery, desperately grafting for that elusive Grecian physique, Leo sticks with the au natural look, enjoying the good life and being richly rewarded for it. And thus becoming the only man to start his own fitness craze without actually doing any fitness. Genius.
Don't let prying eyes stop you from enjoying a biscuit
Leo is a man who understands that, for all the Kobe beef carpaccio, saffron risotto and Macallan 1946 in Cannes, you really can't beat a good custard cream. Let them watch Leo.
Let them watch.
Live The Bachelor Life
Even aged 41, Leo is still a man who leaves monogamy to the swans and embraces the bachelor lifestyle wholeheartedly. He's become as well known for his abundant harems of eye-gougingly beautiful supermodels, with whom he blithely frolics in distant Caribbean waters, as he has for his equally impressive film roles.
His latest reported muse is Rihanna, one of - if not the - most desirable pop stars - if not women - in the known world. And it appears he wooed her wearing his worst cap and a bandana. Vintage Leo.
Pay no mind to other famous people
The gluttonous, carefree belly laugh; the slow agony of the recoil; the terror; the pleading raise of the brow. Here every milligram of Leo's talent is condensed into five of the most vivid seconds the internet has to offer, proving that he can be as much a 'gif star' as he can a movie one. And that he has no idea who Lady Gaga is.
Be Leonardo DiCaprio
You're on your own with this one, we're afraid. Because for all the confidence, charisma and double-chinned swagger you can learn from Leo, it helps a bit when you're the most talented, bankable and compelling movie star of a generation, as well as an Oscar winner and a Scorsese muse.
There's always a catch.