We laughed, we cried, we cried again. And somehow we also found time to watch a bunch of movies. Hollywood, ahead of the culture as always, took bold stands against slavery and the bombing of sporting events and for interracial marriage and successful emergency landings while proving the trolls wrong once and for all: Women, we now know, are just as capable of making mediocre reboots as men. There were disaster epics and epic disasters, Angry Birds and Bad Moms, superheroes throwing city - destroying tantrums and white people dancing in the streets. Here we honor the best—and the most—from the year in cinema, such as it was.
http://esq.h-cdn.co/assets/17/03/980x598/gallery-1484856916-harley-quinn.jpgDC Entertainment
Best Supporting Garment
Harley Quinn's hot pants, Suicide Squad
Best Question, Period
"Why have you let me film this?" Filmmaker Josh Kriegman, Weiner
Best Movie That Sounds Like It's About Surfing But Isn't
The Wave
Best Performance by Anna Wintour's Hair
Julia Roberts, Mother's Day
Worst Movie That Sounds Like it's About Surfing and Is
Point Break
The Cecil B. DeMille Award for Epic Disaster of the Year
Ben-Hur
Professions That Are More Exciting in the Movies Than in Real Life
Accountant, The Accountant
Art-history professor, Inferno
Most Effective Binge Drinking PSA
The Shallows
Runner-up: The Girl on the Train
Title That Sounds Most Like a Hollywood Pitch Meeting
Kevin Hart: What Now?
Best-Case Scenario for a Man Snatching a Child from Her Bed
The BFG
Most Determined Lost Child
Dev Patel, Lion
Runner-up: Dory, Finding Dory
Wicked-Best Boston Accent
Casey Affleck, Manchester by the Sea
Best Makeshift Watercraft
The Airbus A320, Sully
Runner-up: Daniel Radcliffe, Swiss Army Man
Best Animated Rock
The alien spaceship, Arrival
Runner-up: Dwayne Johnson, Moana
A Sequel 2 Far
Alice Through the Looking Glass
Independence Day: Resurgence
Ice Age: Collision Course
Zoolander 2
The PC Merit Badge for Racial Sensitivity
Anyone who saw The Birth of a Nation at Sundance
The PC Merit Badge for Feminist Solidarity
Anyone who boycotted The Birth of a Nation in theaters
Pussy Even Donald Trump Wouldn't Grab
Kevin Spacey, Nine Lives
http://esq.h-cdn.co/assets/17/03/980x553/gallery-1484857636-do-over.jpgNetflix
The Year in Unexpectedly Prescient Film Titles
London Has Fallen
Captain America: Civil War
Denial
Why Him?
Hail, Caesar!
In Memoriam
Brangelina
Hiddleswift
Nice Johnny Depp
Jacob Tremblay's childhood
Jared Leto's sanity
Lindsay Lohan's American accent
The Original Screenplay
Abe Vigoda (take two)
Franchise This!
Six of the following are currently being made into feature films. The others—at this writing, anyway—are not. If you can tell which is which, you just might have what it takes to run a Hollywood studio!
- Emoji
- Sea-monkeys
- Furby
- Peeps
- Fruit Ninja
- GIFs
- Lincoln Logs
- Play-Doh
- The Oregon Trail
- Tetris
- Words With Friends
- Pez