It's Happened, 'Fast & Furious 8' Has Broken The Global Box Office Record

Forgive us (film) father for we have sinned

We've just discovered that Fast & Furious 8, also called Fate of the Furious, is 160 minutes long. That is two hours and 40 minutes of The Rock raising his eyebrows, Ludacris shouting "DAMN!" and Vin Diesel looking like a sleazy life-sized thumb in a Mustang.

Who watches it? Why do you watch it?

SEE ALSO: The 10 Best Thrillers Ever Made

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter one bit, because obviously a lot of people watch; enough that it has broken Star Wars: The Force Awakens' record for the highest ever opening weekend, racing ahead (please, kill us) of J.J. Abrams' new sequel opener with an estimated $532.5million (£425m) globally.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

This is mostly thanks to the huge appetite for blockbusters that has emerged in China, with more than a third of the film's takings coming from there alone.

Be cool, China.

Fast & Furious 8 is now just the third film ever to break the $500million dollar mark for an opening weekend, joining the aforementioned Star Wars ($529million) along with Jurassic World, which took $525.5million.

But have you seen the trailer? Have you, out of all the dumb trailers out there, ever seen a dumber trailer than this one? There's a part where The Rock hangs out of a truck going full speed on sheet ice, using his feet to slide alongside it, before proceeding to grab hold of a torpedo and launch it into the oncoming bad guys' trucks.

Actually, that was pretty cool.

But it's still stupid. It's still really f*****g stupid.

How did this monster evolve from Vin Diesel and Paul Walker racing a couple of Mistubushi Evo's to this?

And how can it be stopped?