It’s the stuff of nightmares for every politician in Whitehall. That dossier - that innocuous file chock-full of policy drafts, smear tactics, transcripts and mood boards, misplaced on the nation’s resolutely reliable public transport system.
Malcolm Tucker, the patron saint of all things potty mouthed has done just that and he’s feeling rather aggrieved about it. In fact, he’s just unleashed the shit-storm of the century.
The classified information contained within the file has the power to bring Tucker’s beloved government to its knees, with the king of spin entirely responsible. Panic stations everyone.
Presented and written by Armando Iannucci and the team of political satirists behind the multi-award winning comedy “The Thick Of It” and its big screen cousin, “In The Loop”, “The Missing DoSAC Files” adds depth to an enthralling take on life within Britain’s public sector.
Highlights include Tucker’s ‘Advice on How To Behave in Public and Private’ – War Memorials: “If you feel you might be unable to stop yourself smiling – imagine your own cock being fed into a moulinex. Clinton once coaxed a tear this way in Normandy”.
Further sections deal with ‘Dicking about on Yachts’, ‘Fucking Et Al’ and how to cope with TV presenter Kirsty Wark: “She’s cleverer than you are, okay? Do not forget this or she will make you look like a dribbling chimp with a 2:2 from Loughborough wanking in a tyre to the theme tune from Mr Benn”.
What could have been a ill-advised attempt to ring some extra cash from the TV series appears to have all the attributes of an instant hit. The DoSAC Files complement the series, adding a personal narrative to the office and its characters, which would have been tricky to implement on screen.
Already a favourite at Esquire HQ, this uproarious book and sub-plot will be available from November 4 2010 at £12.99 in paperback.
Malcolm Tucker writes exclusively for Esquire in our December issue, out next week.
Words by Andrew Willis