Now that the big Christmas film releases are out of the way, it's time for the quality DVDs to get their chance to shine. Here are some of the corkers we've been notified about recently. Keep 'em coming.
Out on DVD on 15 March
Not since PJ took a paint pellet in the wye-ayeball on Byker Grove has paintball been used for such dastardly ends. The premise is simple enough — eight strangers set out for a jolly weekend of inflicting minor bruises on each other in an eastern European forest, only to find out that there are real snipers lurking in the trees. We are assured that the movie combines "high octane thrills" with "the bloodthirsty ingenuity of the most gruesome torture porn", and what's torture porn without ingenuity? Just another day at the abattoir, that's what.
2. American Hot Girls
Out on DVD on 22 February
Our favourite racy teen comedy named after an item from the Pizza Express menu. Others include: A Gal For Four Seasons, Venezianal Fixation and Sloppy Guiseppe.
3. Skate Or Die
Out on DVD on 29 March
We were wondering when someone was going to have the cajones to pick up where Gleaming The Cube left off, and it looks like we're about to be sated. Harold And Kumar Get The Munchies meets La Haine in this explosive thriller about two stoners who witness a gangland murder and have to use their best skateboarding skills to escape through the streets of Paris, because there's nothing like a bit of pressure to help you pull off the perfect rail-slide 360 kick-flip (or you know, whatever). The resulting thrill-ride offers the viewer a "non-stop sense of peril", a phrase which we admire deeply for its translated-by-Google-style quaintness.
Out on DVD on 1 March
At last, a thriller that properly represents our hard economic climate. "At a time when repossession, debt and unemployment are rampant, CA$H takes a bold look at the human foibles of greed, materialism, cowardice and immorality amidst a backdrop that is ripe with satire, mind games and consequences." It also stars "British superstar" Sean Bean, as a "strange and sinister" character called Pyke Kubic, a name which will prove handy when it comes to doing the anti-semitic porn re-make.
5. Smokin' Aces 2: Assassins Ball
Out on DVD on 25 January
OK we have to tread carefully with this one, seeing as we were one of the few media outlets who quite enjoyed the first outing (hey, what can we say, we'd had a sniff of a beermat over lunch). Still, we know when to leave something be. So, apparently did most of the cast of the first Smokin' Aces — Alicia Keys, Jeremy Piven and Ryan Reynolds are replaced by Martha Higareda (qui?), Clayne Crawford (double-qui?) and, fresh from his role in Midnight Meat Train, Vinnie Jones playing against type as a "power-tool wielding psychopath". Here, for your viewing pleasure, is the trailer.