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Badass Fairy Tales

There's a new breed of fairy-tale in town - and they're on steroids. We’ve got butched-up fairy stories on TV (Grimm, on Watch) and in foreign films (Troll Hunter, from Norway) and now a regressive spell has been cast over Hollywood.

Here are three pimped-up tales coming to screens soon (though we’re still holding out for Goldilocks, Stock & Three Smoking Bearrels).

Snow White = Snow White and the Huntsman (out now)

Snow White develops an adolescent snarl courtesy of the suitably wan Kristen Stewart in this fantasy adventure. In another modern touch, the evil queen (Charlize Theron) recruits a huntsman (Chris Hemsworth, see page 140) to kill her competition for the title of fairest in the land, thereby embracing the recent trend for outsourcing.
Jack and the Beanstalk = Jack the Giant Killer (out 2013)

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This film’s named after the Cornish variant of the tale, giants having a somewhat more potent place in the childish imagination than oversized legumes. Nicholas Hoult plays the titular magic bean-receiver, who’s warned that, whatever he does, he must not get them wet (yes, like Gremlins; no, not sure about feeding them after midnight).

Hansel and Gretel = Hansel & Gretel in 3D! (out 2013)

Michael Bay’s production company The Institute — catchy motto: “Where brand science meets great storytelling” — is funding this new version, and has promised to beef up the not-so-scary gingerbread house with some “Teutonic beings” from German mythology, created by the lead character designer on Avatar. So expect cornrows.

What do you think?

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