6 Fictional Presidents Who Would Do A Better Job Than Donald Trump
To celebrate the 4th July, we thought we'd help out our buddies across the pond
We've seen enough unpredictable drama over the past few weeks to know that in politics, anything can happen.
Which means that we should pretty much prepare ourselves for a Donald Trump presidency, right? That's just the kind of thing 2016 is into, isn't it? The loopy, sadistic bastard that it is.
And it goes without saying that his appointment would have cataclysmic consequences, even on our side of the pond.
But then, if anything can happen in politics, isn't it worth putting our support behind some of these unlikely candidates? The great personalities who have led the free world in movies and television shows - and done a damn good job of it, too?
Here are just some of the onscreen leaders who we'd prefer over 'The Donald'...
President James Dale (Jack Nicholson) – Mars Attacks!
Donald Trump's sputtering political speeches are best known for being myth-ridden and divisive. Where the greatest presidents in history have called for union and peace, Trump wants to draw (literal) lines between classes and cultures.
For sure, he'd never be capable of this rousing speech by President James Dale, played by Jack Nicholson in Mars Attack!
Faced with the prospect of a ray gun-welding alien invasion, James Dale produces a heartfelt ode to harmony and togetherness. "Why be enemies? Because we're different? Think of the things that we could do! Why destroy when you can create! Why can't we all just get along?"
Okay, so they pitched a flag through his internal organs mere seconds later - but it's the sentiment that counts.
President James Sawyer (Jamie Foxx) – White House Down
If anybody can appeal to the gun-stroking masses of America, it's Jamie Foxx's bazooka-toting President James Sawyer, who helped Channing Tatum save the U.S.A from cyber terrorists in White House Down.
Even the most pacifistic amongst us have to admit: that GIF is a cool GIF. You only need to look at the cult around Vladimir Putin to know that people love a politician who looks like they can get their hands dirty.
Can you imagine Michael Gove operating a bazooka? He makes a glass of water look like a Rubik's cube. He'd obliterate his own face, no doubt. The same goes for Trump: he'd struggle to get his toddler-sized hands around it in the first place.
President Kang – The Simpsons
On paper, Trump is a better option than Kang. As of yet, he hasn't made the enslavement of the entire human race a key part of his policy.
But at least we know Kang isn't at the behest of the ray gun lobby when he makes his political decisions. While Trump's opinions can be swayed, Kang's pursuit of violence-fueled cosmic domination is single-minded and incorruptible.
You've got to respect that. Kind of.
Stanley Anderson - The Rock and Armageddon
Director Michael Bay elected Stanley Anderson to do a double-term in both Armageddon and The Rock, and it's easy to see why: he's the greatest strategic mastermind of all-time.
When a gigantic asteroid was on a collision course with Earth, a lot of people questioned his decision to chuck a bunch of inexperienced oil-drillers up into space to deal with it. Hell, even Ben Affleck had doubts.
But what happened? They drilled the hell out of that asteroid, and saved the world. He pulled a similar stunt in The Rock, sending Nicholas Cage to foil a terrorist attack.
Would you consider Nicholas Cage the solution to any problem, ever? No. No you would not. And therein lies the brilliance of Stan 'The Man' Anderson.
President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) – Independence Day
Let's talk about this guy's haircut for a second: it's solid. Solid presidential hair, that stays calm and composed under immense pressure. Hair that a nation can believe in.
That's not to say that it doesn't have its moments of spectacle. Just look at the way it moves with the wind as President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) makes his famous 'Independence Day' speech.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/oj16vfbsM9A
Now imagine Donald Trump making that speech in the windy outdoors. It's hard, because nobody knows for sure what would happen. Would his entire barnet fly off into the distance? Would his fringe unfluff, revealing whatever strangeness he's been hiding at the top of his forehead for so long?
Either way, we wouldn't have our minds on the impending attack – and that's dangerous thinking. Donald Trump's haircut is a strategic liability.
President Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) – House of Cards
If you're going to have an evil guy in the Oval Office, he might as well be an evil genius. After all, it's more comforting to think that the American public has been conned by a psychopathic, Machiavellian mastermind than a bloated sweet potato who can't spell.
Not only that, but Underwood's humble beginnings as a peach farmer trounce Trump's cry-me-a-river claims that he only received a "small loan" of a million dollars.
Watch Next
Tabitha Lasley: What It Felt Like for a Girl
What to Do in London This Weekend
Everything We Know About 'Fallout' S2
‘The Tortured Poets Department’ Review
