The 15 Funniest Things Zlatan Ibrahimovic Has Ever Said

The best Zlatan quips, muses and boasts to celebrate his 35th birthday​

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As well as being one of the most dominant attacking forces in the world of football; winning titles in Holland, Italy, Spain, France and - if he has is way - England, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is also quite a funny bloke.

To celebrate the big man's birthday, here are 15 of Esquire's favourite Zlatanisms.

That's a thing now.

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"When you buy me, you are buying a Ferrari. If you drive a Ferrari you put premium petrol in the tank, you hit the motorway and you step on the gas. [Pep] Guardiola filled up with diesel and took a spin in the countryside. He should have bought a Fiat."

"What [John] Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange."

"Arsene Wenger asked me to have a trial with Arsenal when I was 17. I turned it down. Zlatan doesn't do auditions."

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"We're looking for an apartment. If we don't find anything, then I'll probably just buy the hotel."

"It's true I don't know much about the players here, but they definitely know who I am."

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"A World Cup without me is nothing to watch, so it is not worth waiting for the World Cup."

 "I can play in the 11 positions because a good player can play anywhere."

"I won't be the King of Manchester, I will be the God of Manchester."

 "An injured Zlatan is a serious thing for any team."

"I think I'm like wine. The older I get, the better I get."

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"Guardiola was staring at me and I lost it. I thought 'there is my enemy, scratching his bald head!'. I yelled to him: 'You have no balls!' and probably worse things than that."

"Jose Mourinho is a big star ... he's cool. The first time he met (my wife) he whispered to her: 'Helena you have only one mission. Feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy"' The guy says what he wants. I like him."

"First I went left, he did too. Then I went right, and he did too. Then I went left again, and he went to buy a hot dog."

"If I had played in England I would have destroyed it, like I have everywhere else."

Zlatan: "Only God knows who will go through."

Reporter: "It's hard to ask him."

Zlatan: "You're talking to him."

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Never change Zlatan... Never change.