Steven Seagal Is Now Russian Thanks To Vladimir Putin

Take that, America!

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Steven Seagal
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Steven Seagal, the 6'3", (now former) all-American, corn-fed bruiser with a passionate disdain for bad guys and good acting is now a fully blown Russian, after his pal Vladimir Putin granted him citizenship.

In a not-at-all-bizarre series of events, Seagal and his jet, jet black widow's peak struck up a personal friendship with Vlad after the actor made a series of trips to Russia and other Moscow controlled countries. Trips that have included Comrade Seagal being fed a carrot by the president of Belarus, as well as recent visits to Chechnya and Kyrgyzstan, where he told local journalists: "You guys are lucky because you have in my opinion a great president."

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Are you ready Steven? Are you?
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"He has treated me not as a distinguished guest but more like a friend. We discussed a lot of very important matters. Personal matters, philosophical matters, spiritual matters."

SPIRITUAL MATTERS

Steven Seagal
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This is Steven Seagal eating a Belrusian carrot
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An official message on the Kremlin website reads: "Vladimir Putin signed an executive order according Russian citizenship to Steven Seagal."

Beyond being really, really good at kung fu and throwing heavy elbows and stuff, there's not really any reason why Seagal should be made a Russian citizen, although according to Putin's spokesman, it's because he asked. Persistently.

"It was his wish; he really was asking for citizenship persistently and for quite a long time," said Dmitry Peskov yesterday. "He is known for his warm feelings to our country, which he has never hidden."

Steven Seagal: Warrior, musician, dancer, former Aikido dojo owner, actor, friend... Russian.