This isn't fun, is it? Not fun at all. In fact, it's downright terrifying.
Know what you need? Know what we all need, right now? Obama to glue himself to the White House wheelie chair and barricade the door. But we'll probably have to make do with yukking it up to the very best jokes that the people of Twitter have salvaged from this tornado of nail-gnawing political anxiety.
Here are the funniest tweets so far from the US Election, as it happens: