Of all the bootlicking Twitter Brits angling to profit from the rise of Donald Trump, Piers Morgan seems least likely to make the cut.
Nigel Farage, as we found out last week, is set to earn a steady 'political analyst' spot on Fox News. Michael Gove managed to secure the first UK newspaper interview with the President, and if this picture is anything to go by the mere memory will keep him going for years to come. Trump's early endorsement even managed to prolong Katie Hopkins' terminal career with a job on TalkSport.
But America already knows Piers Morgan, and there's little chance of them taking him back.
Oh well. At least Piers has achieved one thing from his endless kissing up: a cute little pet name.
Asked by the Sun on Sunday if Trump had a name for him, Morgan giggled and replied:
"He calls me 'Champ' because I won Celebrity Apprentice. It's cool having the US President call you Champ."
No it's not.
'When I have had tough times, he has called me and we talk about personal stuff,' Morgan revealed.
He went on to describe his relationship with Trump, and went some way to explaining why he has often defended him over the past year.
'When I get a new job, like on GMB, a handwritten note from Donald Trump arrives. If you're loyal and respectful to him, he will be incredibly loyal and incredibly respectful back.'
That may well be true, Piers, but the disgraced talent show host vacancy has already been filled.