One is a 52-year-old former Gladiator from Australia with anger issues and a paunch. The other is a 25-year-old chart topper from Suffolk with a sensitive soul and the dress sense of a provincial barman.
What could possibly unite these disparate culture icons in the most unlikely bromance of the decade?
A shit-ton of booze, of course.
Pop star Ed Sheeran is very much back on the scene promoting his new album, including a recent interview with Australian radio station Nova in which he professed to being tight with the country's favourite burly son Mr Russell Crowe.
"I've started hanging out with Russell Crowe because he loves getting drunk and I love getting drunk," said Ed.
No doubting that. Ed's sozzled performance at the 2015 Brits after party [pictured above] - where he and Crowe actually met - won hearts and minds across the country as everyone everywhere immediately recognised their 14-year-old selves in then-23-year-old.
Crowe's drinking, meanwhile, is legendary, whether it's participating in a drunken tweet-a-long with Ricky Gervais or (allegedly) getting into a fight with Azealia Banks over dinner. Plus: he's Australian.
"We don't get anything from each other other than just a night out. We get an enjoyment of hanging out rather... There is no boost in either of our careers from our association,"continued Ed, making the reasonable point that any crossover between their respective fan base of teenage girls / bedwetters and men in their forties watching old movies while wondering where their life went wrong is probably fairly negligible.
In any case, the thought of Sheeran and Crowe sat in a bar together hiding from the paps while tanning eight Foster tops each and heading out for a kebab is a deeply pleasing one.
"Ed? ED? Y'know what we should do mate? A fucking DUET…"
"I dunno Russell…"
"Ah said: a fucking duet ya cunt!"
"Russell, please put my guitar down…"