Officially the eighth best footballer in the whole entire world, just imagine a parallel universe where Jamie Vardy isn't running around, toe punting in goals and screaming at refs like a man possessed. Imagine instead that he's the greatest party rep the Balearic Isles have ever seen. Imagine that Vardy's Party Bar Crawl has a six month waiting list; people traveling from far and wide to follow Sheffield's favourite son into the WKD-drenched brink.
Because it nearly bloody happened, didn't it.
In a press conference ahead of the Foxes match against Sunderland last night, Leicester City boss Craig Shakespeare revealed he needed to talk Vardy, a man who can't get a enough of Skittles vodka, out of ending his football career in 2013 in favour of moving to Ibiza to become a full-time legend.
It was the first season Vardy had been at then-Championship club Leicester and he'd scored only five goals all season following his move from non-league Fleetwood town.
"Our job is to support players," Shakespeare said of the incident at the end of the 2013 season.
"Sometimes they do have self-doubt and Jamie would be the first to admit he was going through a rough patch.
"Myself, Nigel [Pearson] and Steve [Walsh] were here to support him. All we did was told him about his attributes and that we thought he could go on.
"We even mentioned then about not only playing in the Premier League but also he had the attributes to play for the national team. We told him we wanted him and believed in him.
"Thankfully he didn't go to Ibiza. I think he has made the right decision!"
Jamie Vardy, living the Great British Dream.