So, we're just going to dive right in with this one.
Above you will see Ross Barkley, a midfielder for Everton and England who really needs to score more goals and increase his general attacking influence if he wants to elbow his way into the conversation about homegrown talents who can take English football out of its current quagmire... but that's unimportant here.
What's important here is that Ross Barkley got chinned after stroking another man's chin at a bar called Santa Chupitos.
That's what's important here.
As you can see, it starts with a faux-familiar, whisper-in-the-ear chat that, whilst amicable on the surface, is wrought with a thinly-veiled hostility that's just waiting to erupt. It starts in Santa Chupitos, a self-titled "Cocktail Emporium" in Liverpool, a place where Calvin Harris picks up plenty of airplay.
There's a patronising stroke of the chin from Barkley's end, muscle-bound in black cashmere. The build of a man who gets paid lots of money to exercise for a living. We see the cog's start to grind in the aggressor's head, his self-discipline eroding as whatever is being said is said. His neck tightens, fists clench and then...
He jabs Ross Barkley, quick as a rattlesnake, in the side of the head. He actually bloody does it. Barkley crumpling to the ground as girls in white jeans and men in brown shoes flock to the scene. Someone said "leave it!" Some always says "Leave it!"
To clarify, Barkley was fine and returned to training the next day. His lawyer has called it an "unprovoked attack by a stranger who approached him". But it's unlikely we'll ever know what actually occurred prior to the hit. Arrogant footballer throwing it around? Or the boiling frustrations of an average man who decided that a city's golden boy was a prime target for his unchecked rage?
Fights. Terrible, aren't they...