A chase scene for the ages: Tom Hardy in a flannel shirt, frayed jeans and a trucker cap, careering through the streets of Richmond, giving chase to a lawless youth - one more morally corrupt product of Broken Britain - leaving Whole Foods shoppers and day-time yoga enthusiasts in his fearless, reckless, primal wake.
Over garden hedges and through side-streets, he finally corners the assailant in the asbestos prison of a building site, grabbing the cowering, yellow-bellied assailant by the scruff of the neck and grunting...
"I caught the c**t."
Quelle incroyable, Tom! Magnifique.
Except... it might all be a total fabrication?
In a claim that will undoubtedly rock the foundations of our fair and just nation, a woman has stepped forward with the frankly inconceivable insistence that it was HER, not Tom Hardy, who stopped the infamous Richmond Moped Bandit of 2017.
Speaking to MailOnline, Carly Holder claims that she "chased the boy and hauled him back to the scene".
Initial reports suggested Hardy went into "superhero mode" after two 16-year-olds on a moped smashed into an Audi TT, with one making an escape while his partner in crime lay injured on the ground. But, according to Holder, Hardy wasn't even on the scene when the drama unfurled.
"It's pretty shabby," said Holder, a 35-year-old engineer. "It was me who chased the boy and hauled him back to the scene. I'm not seeking plaudits, but I would like Hardy to admit it wasn't him." Adding, "It's rather galling he might become James Bond because of it."
In the previous version of events, it was Tom who took off when the men tried to escape, with witness Arun Pullen, 22, saying: "Tom must have been walking down the road. He went off like a shot in pursuit and looked furious."
"I asked Tom what happened and he told me he chased him through my back garden and caught him around the block - but the route was like an assault course."
It seems like only the Richmond Moped Bandit knows the true identity of his captor, knowledge that he will undoubtedly take with him to his grave.