Pippa Middleton Was 'Likened To A Dog' In Absolute Shocker Of A Best Man's Speech

Oh to be a fly on that wall

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The best man's speech, a social minefield for even the most skilled and articulate of public speakers. Play it too straight and you're a bore (no one wants that), yet those brave and half-cut few who try and force the laughs are at even greater risk; the risk of the awkward, tense silence... which is exactly what guests were treated to at Pippa Middleton's wedding.

Brilliant.

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According to The Daily Mail, James Matthews' best man, Justin Johannsen, kicked off the speech with this absolute humdinger, saying: "With the wedding shadowed in secrecy, I can reveal, and wish the bride and groom a happy honeymoon in North Wales.

"At least that's where I presume they are going as I heard Spencer saying that after the wedding, he was going to Bangor for two weeks. Enjoy the Welsh coast, guys."

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Justin. Sweet, sweet, foolish, unfunny Justin... you're doing Pippa Middleton's wedding, pal. What the f**k are you up to?

But that wasn't the end of Justin's stand-up set, oh no, oh no. The piece de resistance was to arrive when Justin compared Pippa to a dog.

"Now to the love of James' life", Justin said: "beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft-mouthed, comes on command, great behind. But that is enough about James's spaniel, Rafa, I'm here to talk about James' love, Pippa."

Wedding speech - or any speech - 101. Do not ever compare people to dogs.

Oh well Justin, at least this is just a minor embarrassment that's been kept amongst your friendship circle.

Oh wait...