Two Angry Man-Babies Are Taking Us To The Brink Of Nuclear War

Trump and Kim Jong-un ramp up the rhetoric as their cold war heats up

America's impulsive and inexperienced leader Donald Trump has threatened North Korea with 'fire and fury the like the world has never seen', following reports his impulsive and inexperienced counterpart Kim Jong-un has achieved his wet dream of being able to hit the United States with a nuclear weapon. World peace now rests in these two pairs of soft, chubby hands and the volatile egos that guide them.

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The Washington Post has reported US officials now believe the isolated Communist state has an arsenal of up to 60 nuclear weapons, a horrifying thought that prompted Trump to deliver the strongest possible rhetoric from his golf course in New Jersey.

"North Korea had best not make any more threats to the United States," warned Trump, whose combat experience extends to a few cameos in professional wrestling.

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"They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen."

Kim Jong-un, who combat experience extends to forcing his impoverished people to perform elaborate military marches in his honour, responded by having Pyongyang officials claim it was looking at plans to attack Guam - a US territory about 2,100 miles away - in an 'enveloping fire'.

All this comes in the wake of new UN sanctions, lead by America, that was supposed to put North Korea back in its box. Jong-un's response to those? "We will make the US pay by a thousand-fold for all the heinous crimes it commits against the state and people of this country."

Hope now rests in the belief that North Korea, for all its bluster, still lacks the expertise to send a missile out of the earth's atmosphere and back in again without it burning up.

That and the possibility of two egotistical alpha-male posturers completely unaccustomed to not getting their own way managing to reach a mature and sensible diplomatic solution on behalf of the rest of us.