Ronaldo Is Telling His Haters To Google Him

Si, bruv?

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Things aren't looking good for Ronaldo, with Real Madrid currently trailing Barcelona by eight points and man himself boasting the worst conversion rate of all goal scorers in Europe's top 5 leagues this season (2.5%). He has netted one goal in La Liga this season so far.

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It didn't get any better last night for the record Ballon d'Or winner as Tottenham surprised everyone (including themselves) by whopping the Spanish side 3-1. Admittedly Ronaldo was the one to net Madrid's consolation goal, but it was all too late.

It's all proven a bit too much for the blanket emperor who enrolled in the Mourinho school of press conference handling after the game.

"I'm super calm", he said, the words of a truly calm man. "Today, having a good performance doesn't count for you. All that counts is goals, goals, goals."

He added, "My stats, I'm not going to talk about it, you go to Google, 'Cristiano Ronaldo goals' and there they are, all of them. That doesn't concern me at all."

"Things are bad because we have lost and are used to winning,"

No shit, Sherlock

"It's a bad patch that we want to change and I'm sure we will change it. This is just the beginning of the season, we still have a lot of time to improve."

If nothing else it's given us our favourite new catchphrase: