The Manual - How to receive utter rubbish with good grace

We've all been there. A pair of taupe woolen socks from granny, a 90s chart minidisk courtesy of Great Aunt Doris and a set of bright pink martini glasses that she's wanted for ages from your girlfriend. People, in general, are very bad at presents. It's a known fact. So, with that in mind, here's how to receive utter crap with a good grace.

1 First, lower the shoulders, rotate the nek and shaaake all the tension out through your arms.

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2 Now some face-relaxation exercises to aid smiling: mouth and eyes as wide as possible, then relax. Repeat three times.

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3 Practise a few lines in front of a mirror: "That is so much fun!"; "Ah brilliant!" Remember to smile with your eyes.

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4 Picture each present in advance as the worst you can imagine; Tony Blair's A Journey, your childhood pet's head, etc.