The darker side of England's win

Lineker: "Well, relief all round as England go through to the last 16 of the World Cup. Sadly, we have some rather grave news to report. No, it's not the latest on Wayne Rooney's injured ankle...

Lineker concerned

Lineker: "... it's Harry Redknapp. He's been kidnapped."

Harry Redknapp in box

Harry: "It's true Gary."

Shearer serious

Shearer: "Harry, can you hear me? It's Al. I just wanted to ask you whether you know who it is that's taken you? Has a political splinter group claimed responsibility?"

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Harry Redknapp in box

Harry: "No Alan, I'm in the dark..."

Hansen laughing

Hansen: "In the dark and in a cupboard by the looks of things, Harry."

Harry Redknapp in box

Harry: "Very much so, but what I want to know is who is coming to get me out of here..."

Lineker concerned

Lineker: "Well chaps, any thoughts?

MOTD panel

Hansen: "For me, there's only one man for the job. I've said it time and time again, if you're in a hostage negotiation situation and you need to verbally grind down the kidnappers over 90 minutes and extra time, if necessary, you have to turn to your specialists..."

Shearer serious

Shearer: "No way, you surely can't mean... you can't be serious..."

Hansen serious

Hansen: "I'm deadly serious..."

Lineker serious

Lineker: (pregnant pause) "So it really has come to this..."

Garth Crooks

(Off camera) Harry: "Noooooooooooooo...."