How to avoid a night on the sofa

It’s a loaded question, the answer to which near-groans with the risk of a collision with your other half. One wrong turn and you’ll find yourself on the couch for the night, with little more than your right hand and slow wit for company. So, with that in mind, here’s our foolproof guide on how to tackle the age old “does my bum look big in this?” dilemma.

1. Focus on anything other than what’s packed inside - the colour, the material, the cut. Think along the lines of “it’s not you, it’s the dress. Lets keep looking”.

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2. Impress with your knowledge. “You look like wasername Johansson in that, I saw her wearing it in one of your magazines. She got slated for it though”.

3. Precede any negative with a positive. “You couldn’t look fat if you tried but that dress doesn’t do anything for you”.

4. Dodge the bullet by answering any question with another question. “Is this a trick question?” Admittedly, you’re opening yourself up to a counter attack - a cargo load of questions will be heading your way, but that’s when you reply, “I’m not falling for this again, stupid”.

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5. Change the subject with mock frustration. “You’re beautiful but I’m starving, let’s grab some lunch. Salad?”

Steer clear of the following - “babe, you look healthy”, “It’s not your bum, it’s that that mound of flesh located near your midsection”, “define fat?”, “you can’t handle the truth”, “ you know the saying ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it’? Well…”