Jose Mourinho is back in business at Chelsea. The self-anointed 'Special One' addressed the world's football press today, dubbing himself 'The Happy One' and having some choice words for Andres Iniesta after the Barcelona midfielder claimed that he damaged Spanish football.
With a season of Mourinho fresh soundbites to look forward to, here's our pick of the Portgu-geezer's best non-"Special One" bon mots...
1. "It is omelettes and eggs. It depends on the quality. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others, and some give you better omelettes.” (on the lack of transfer funds available during his penultimate week at Chelsea)
2. "I want to be where people love me, in England I am loved by the fans and the media who treat me in a fair way, I know in Spain it is different because some people hate me." (Mourinho following his 2013 Champions League exit at the hands of Borussia Dortmund)
3. "I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea." (Mourinho pondering Arsene Wenger's apparent obsession with Chelsea in 2005)
4. "I damaged Spanish football by breaking Barcelona's dominance." (responding to Andres Iniesta's comments that he did more harm than good to Spanish football)
5. "Can Messi be suspended for acting? Barcelona is a cultural city with many theatres and this boy has learned very well." (in 2006 after the Argentina wonder was fouled by the then Blues left back, Asier Del Horno)
6. "Messi scored 50 goals that were worth nothing, in the same way that last season Cristiano scored 42 that didn't achieve anything." (discussing Lionel Messi's "worthless" goals in 2012)
7. "Look, I'm a coach, I'm not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real." (on his lack of a managerial magic wand while in charge of Real Madrid in 2010)
8. "I am no longer Chelsea coach and I do not have to defend them any more, so I think it is correct if I say Drogba is a diver." (on his former star striker while in charge at Inter Milan in 2008)
9. "If they made a film of my life, I think they should get George Clooney to play me. He’s a fantastic actor and my wife thinks he would be ideal." (on fantasy casting for Mourinho: The Movie)
10. "Why have Chelsea suffered so much since I left? Because I left." (speaking in 2009 following the sacking of Big Phil Scolari)