Esquire's Rachel Fellows on why you should take your girlfriend to the ballet. No, really.
What do you mean you don’t want to see Carlos Acosta at the Coliseum this month?
Carlos Acosta – the ballet dancer.
Ok, so he has a thing for tights. Are you really going to hold that against him forever? Or is it just that he looks better in them than you do? That’s not a criticism, I promise – just an observation. Not even Richard Branson can pull those things off.
It's not just the tights.
Is it because he jumps and twirls for a living? Thought so. Well here’s the thing: your girlfriend quite likes the jumping and twirling. Believe me, you have the chance to earn some serious brownie points here.
What’s in it for her?
She gets to see the gorgeous king of ballet in all his glory; Acosta worked his way up from the slums of Havana to become the Royal Ballet’s superstar. Bad-boy-turned-good – you know the deal. He’s partnered every leading ballerina of today and he looks very, very nice doing it.
What’s in it for me?
1. Like it or not, you will see some seriously impressive stuff onstage – muscles to get yourself to the gym for (and thighs that will ensure you’ll never skip leg day again).
2. Of all the ballets to see, you’ll get off lightly with this one. Acosta’s Classical Selection is a hotchpotch of the best bits from his favourite works, not a three-act tragedy to prop your eyes open for.
3. Don’t forget, alongside every male ballet dancer is (usually) a female one. They wear tights too. And rather short tutus.
What should I say in the interval?
Anything that doesn’t make fun of the outfits/make-up/dancing in general (unless she says something along those lines first).
If you really want to get into it:
‘Is there any Romeo and Juliet in this?’
(There’s not, but it would show an interest).
‘So is he still in the Royal Ballet?’
(Same thing – he’s a Principal Guest Artist, not full time any more).
What shouldn’t I say in the interval?
‘So how long is the second half?’
Icing on the cake?
Forego the queue at the bar and pre-order an interval drink. The London Coliseum specializes in Veuve Clicquot – just a glass won’t break the bank, will it?
And if I forgot her birthday?
Seats in the Dress Circle, for starters.