The Alternative Wimbledon Final Betting Book

Everything about Wimbledon is predictable except the tennis. So if you're a betting man, why not take a punt on some of these. We'll pay out. Promise.


THE BETS

Three middle-aged women wearing over-sized Union Jack paraphernalia start a Mexican wave. It doesn't catch on 2/1

Star struck cameraman lingers for slightly too long on Hollywood A-lister 3/1

Win or lose, a crying Andy Murray’s voice cracks like a 13-year-old boy who's just been told to tidy his room 4/1

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The loser’s speech gets a bigger applause than the winner 5/1

Umpire tells the crowd off for something. An infuriatingly respectful clap ensues 6/1

Boris Becker refers to ‘Whimpledon’ in match preview 7/1

A bird lands the net, temporarily delaying play. Before it's taken off someone has set up a fake Twitter account called ‘WimbledonBird’ 8/1

Someone shouts 'Come on Tim'. During the women’s final 9/1

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Scary looking man in tight Sopranos-style tracksuit seen giving a fist pump. Commentator explains it’s one of the trainers 10/1

Someone shouts out a marriage proposal on centre court. A chilling silence follows 15/1

Roger Federer shows up at centre court in a monogrammed tracksuit and has to shuffle off awkwardly when he remembers he's not playing 20/1

Someone in the crowd is forcibly ejected when they're overheard saying: 'actually, I've never really been that keen on strawberries 30/1

McEnroe brings the sweatband out of retirement to cope with commentating in the sun while wearing a black suit 50/1

Following a shot of Kate Middleton in the royal box, the commentator remarks: "Perhaps they'll name the baby after the winner!". Novak taking the second set suddenly seem even more ominous 60/1

Prince Harry is seen being stretched out of the Royal box after receiving third degree sun burn 100/1

Sue Barker’s super strength happy pills wear off at the worst possible moment as she ‘does a Paxman’ on the loser 500/1

A bird of prey swoops into the player's box having mistaken Judy Murray's face for a sun-scorched granite cliff 1000/1

 

SEE ALSO:
The Rant: Why Wimbledon is for people who don't like sport
Top five places to watch Wimbledon (that isn't Wimbledon)

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