1 | The need to double-tap your thigh and pocket just to feel the outline of your passport. Every six minutes. For three straight hours.
2 | Wondering why women who work at airports are forced to wear silk neck scarves.
3 | Choosing between folding your flappy boarding pass into your pocket and looking like a slob when you hand it over. Or keeping it intact and fretting that it will slip out of your pocket at any moment.
4 | Seeing someone crouched awkwardly behind a Coke machine trying to charge their iPhone.
5 | The in-built obsession with securing prodigious quantities of bottled water. For a one hour flight to Paris.
6 | Envying the lone pink-shirted man drinking champagne at the oyster bar. Surely the last person who actually believes in the romance of flying.
7 | Choosing to reject the travelator and walk alongside it, as a feeble statement of personal freedom.
8 | Then watching your travel companion fade into the distance.
9 | Seeing kids with the same roller carry-ons as their parents and wondering, what the hell is in there?
10 | The one-minute courtesy browse at Dixons – knowing full well you aren’t buying a thing.
11 | Then wondering, "but did I actually pack the power adapter?"
12 | Someone drinking a pint of Guinness at 6am in a pub that isn't a Wetherspoons.
13 | The awkward first moments of a stag do, while everyone's still sober and someone dressed as Spiderman has to introduce himself to the group.
14 | The tension you feel when hitting the security area. Have I picked the right queue?
15 | The strange faux-military gait of a man asked to walk through a metal detector with no shoes on.
16 | And the rush that comes from 'clearing' security without any hiccups.
17 | Wondering why people bother with neck pillows. Then, 20 minutes into the flight, wondering why you don’t own a neck pillow.
18 | Looking at the luggage shop within the terminal and wondering, why?
19 | The guy in too-tight swim shorts and straw hat who still thinks he's on the beach instead of at a windy taxi rank.
20 | The general feeling that you're being punished by God for daring to go on holiday.