So, yeah: go ahead and abandon any fantasies you had of skinny-dipping with angelic Swedish sirens next bank holiday weekend.
The South American pacu fish, well known for its soul-destroying capacity to crush and amputate male genitalia, has been discovered in Europe for the first time, the Telegraph reports.
Giving due consideration to the pacu's voracious appetite for manhood, Swedish locals living by the Oresund Sound have been advised to keep their bathers on while swimming. Y’know, so as not to bait the bastard.
In one of nature’s classic one-two punches, swimmers who have been de-sacked by the fish have been known to then bleed out and die. Bloody hell.
Be wholly certain, gents: game has changed for good. Nature has officially fired its warning shots. We hear you, Planet Earth, we hear you.