The Man Index

Winners and losers, ups and downs, from the past seven days

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It’s easy to forgive the pint-sized impresario for his regular dress crimes. The sunglasses indoors thing? He works in music. The too many shirt buttons undone thing? He does seem to spend half his life on a yacht. But there’s one regular Cowell habit that’s harder to ignore.

Yes, the stone-washed boot cut jeans so long they hang over your heels and drag through puddles look. It’s a nineties hangover that quite a few British men find very hard to shake off. Simon, please set an example.

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You can’t keep a good man down. Despite watching his nemesis Cristiano Ronaldo knock Sweden out of the World Cup and pip him in their individual clash of egos, Zlatan had the class to coolly clap his opponent’s winning goal during the match. Was this a worrying sign of humility from the big man?

Thankfully normal service was resumed post-match with the quote: "One thing is for sure, a World Cup without me is nothing to watch”. He might not be far off.

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Reportedly spotted having dinner with newly single Miranda Kerr in LA this week. Just saying.



It’s been a while since Elt had a proper public moan. A week at least, maybe more. So as the granddaddy of celebrity culture it was good to hear his* views on the younger generation coming through: 'I hate them...  I hate the celebrity that is around now. The vacuous, talentless, horror show that get paid millions of dollars for [nothing]. When there are people who are teaching kids every day that are trying to scrape by and earn a living. It's a joke.' And we thought fatherhood had softened him.

*At least we think it was Elton, sitting next to Billie Jean King, as he was, it was hard to know for certain.




We’re constantly being told we need a double-breasted jacket in the wardrobe. This might just be all the evidence you need.



Yes, England lost limply at home to a second-string Germany side and manager Joachim Low will be more than happy with his week’s work.

So call it sour grapes on our part but there’s something about the perfectly manicured and outfitted Low that grates slightly. On paper he’d be on the best-dressed manager’s list every time.

But maybe it’s the aubergine rinse hair. Maybe it’s the fact he looks uncannily like a combination of actors Kyle MacLachlan, Kevin Spacey and former radio 1 DJ Mike Read.

Most likely it's the scarves. Low loves a scarf more than any man probably should and ties them with a bit too much flourish. After all, they say style is not looking like you’re trying too hard.



After Stuart Broad’s antics in the summer, the English bowler has been taking a “bashing” from the Aussie media ahead of the First Ashes Test. One paper - the Courier-Mail has even banned use of his name, referring to him as Stuart Fraud and calling him a 'smug pommie cheat'.

How did Broad respond to the pressure and the hate? By putting in a man of the match effort with a 5 wicket haul. Smug is definitely the word.