1 | Conduct imaginary press conferences in our heads at the end of a game of FIFA: “I can’t fault the lads' effort today…”
2 | Race strangers across pedestrian crossings, then silently allocate them gold, silver or bronze for their efforts.
3 | Flip hot food with our fingers, run across the road a second later than is safe or otherwise find any excuse possible to put a little danger in our days.
4 | Try approximately 33% harder during even a lazy Sunday park kick as soon as any women are in the vicinity.
5 | Conduct conversations with our friends that instantly become 10% louder and 15% ‘funnier’ as soon as any women are in the vicinity.
6 | Read the same football stories on five or six different news sites every day, even though they all say exactly the same thing.
7 | Enjoy going to gay bars even if we’re straight – it’s a night off worrying if we should be trying to chat someone up.
8 | Sometimes drive like we’re taking our test again. For absolutely no reason at all.
9 | Stray quite a long way from our intended path to confirm the attractiveness of a stranger. Only now and then.
10 | Indulge the fantasy we’re playing the crucial final frame in the World Snooker Championship during meaningless games of pool in the pub.
11 | Sit down to pee. More often then you’d think.
12 | Privately quite enjoy reading celebrity gossip pages – almost as much as we enjoy slagging them off.
13 | Genuinely still believe we look cool smoking a cigarette.
14 | Live with the fact that every one of our closest friends could tell our partners a story that would make them dump us on the spot.