14 Things Men Do That Women Don’t Know About

(But probably could have guessed)

1 | Conduct imaginary press conferences in our heads at the end of a game of FIFA: “I can’t fault the lads' effort today…”

2 | Race strangers across pedestrian crossings, then silently allocate them gold, silver or bronze for their efforts.

3 | Flip hot food with our fingers, run across the road a second later than is safe or otherwise find any excuse possible to put a little danger in our days.

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4 | Try approximately 33% harder during even a lazy Sunday park kick as soon as any women are in the vicinity.

5 | Conduct conversations with our friends that instantly become 10% louder and 15% ‘funnier’ as soon as any women are in the vicinity.

6 | Read the same football stories on five or six different news sites every day, even though they all say exactly the same thing.

7 | Enjoy going to gay bars even if we’re straight – it’s a night off worrying if we should be trying to chat someone up.

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8 | Sometimes drive like we’re taking our test again. For absolutely no reason at all.

9 | Stray quite a long way from our intended path to confirm the attractiveness of a stranger. Only now and then.

10 | Indulge the fantasy we’re playing the crucial final frame in the World Snooker Championship during meaningless games of pool in the pub.

11 | Sit down to pee. More often then you’d think.

12 | Privately quite enjoy reading celebrity gossip pages – almost as much as we enjoy slagging them off.

13 | Genuinely still believe we look cool smoking a cigarette.

14 | Live with the fact that every one of our closest friends could tell our partners a story that would make them dump us on the spot.