1 | Sergio Mendes’s 'Mas Que Nada' playing against a background of bare-footed men doing kick-ups on Copacabana beach.
2 | Handheld footage through the fence of England's high-security training camp, zooming in to spot a distant Roy Hodgson holding a clipboard.
3 | National Stereotype No 1: Someone uses the word "mercurial" in relation to the Netherlands.
4 | An England hotel report that features Daniel Sturridge in enormous headphones, Wayne Rooney playing golf, and members of the England coaching team wearing pool sliders.
5 | A work colleague with no previous interest in football uttering: "I can't believe he didn't start with Sterling.”
6 | Commentator Clive Tyldesley delivering an alliterative and OTT introduction to Brazil v Croatia including phrases “carrying the hopes of a nation” and ending with “let the carnival begin’.
7 | Gary Lineker making an awkward attempt at Des Lynam-style opening gag, probably involving kids staying up late for England’s first match against Italy.
8 | National Stereotype No 2: Someone uses the word "wily" in reference to Italy.
9 | Adrian chiles putting his finger to his earpiece and stuttering something about “host broadcasters” during flustered half-time handover.
10 | News report citing how a good tournament for England could contribute £100m to the UK economy.
11 | The sight of Glenn Hoddle in pastel pink short-sleeved shirt, possibly first worn in 1987.
12 | National Stereotype 3: Someone uses the word "hard-working" in relation to South Korea.
13 | Thierry Henry looking pensive during ill-judged attempt at being serious during trip to local favela.
14 | Panelists discuss Andrea Pirlo’s passing in a vaguely sexual manner featuring groans and aaahes. Also first mention that he’s ‘like a vintage wine’.
15 | Gus Poyet and Gordon Strachan on the same incomprehensible panel.
16 | National Stereotype 4: Someone uses "effieciency" in relation to Germany. Or Switzerland.
17 | Commentator drops patronising reference to African team with big hearts and tactical innocence.
18 | Alan Shearer suggesting we keep an eye out for Belgium as ‘dark horses’, as if he’s letting you in on a little secret and no one else has ever thought of it.
19 | National Stereotype 5: Someone uses the word "unpredictable" in relation to Nigeria/Colombia/Russia/Mexico/Bosnia/Cameroon/Chile.
20 | Your Mum tells you she has a crush on Clarence Seedorf.