1 | Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
2 | Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
3 | Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
4 | Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
5 | Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
6 | I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
7 | I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
8 | I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
9 | One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
10 | If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
11 | Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
12 | A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
13 | I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Any we've missed?