1 | Louis Van Gaal is poached by Barcelona / Real / Brazil, leading to a one year extension of Man United-based schadenfreuden.
2 | Making dignified, private donations to charity 'goes viral' without anyone knowing or saying anything about it.
3 | The discovery that there really was a maester behind that rock, and The Hound is alive and well.
4 | Piers Morgan forgets his Twitter password.
5 | Richard Linklater celebrates his Best Director Oscar for Boyhood by giving his acceptance speech in 12 year intervals.
6 | Lucasfilm decide to ‘do a Bowie’ and release the new Star Wars film without warning, saving us months of ‘teaser trailers’.
7 | The last remaining ‘man bun’ is found dead in Britain.
8 | Someone gives Katie Hopkins a hug and tells her everything is going to be OK.
9 | Russell Brand undergoes another period of important self-awakening – and never wears a deep V t-shirt ever again.
10 | Prince William finally decides to bite the bullet and shave off his combover.
12 | David Chase really is working on a The Sopranos prequel – and Paulie Walnuts is the lead character.
13 | Thierry Henry's new career as a pundit makes it much easier to watch football with your girlfriend.
14 | The new trend in East London artisan pop-up restaurants becomes eating your food from a plate, with a knife and fork, and drinking from a glass.
15 | The first ever case of an online article blowing someone’s mind is reported.
16 | True Detective 2 launches Vince’s ‘Vaughnaissance’, paving the way for an unlikely Oscar win in 2016.
17 | Google Glass is officially confirmed as the ‘minidisc of wearable tech’.
18 | Michael Owen is replaced as a commentator by the automated soundtrack from FIFA '15. No one notices.
19 | No one recreates a single thing in Lego.
20 | Badger-baiting becomes the latest quaint former British pastime to be resurrected by ITV for a new reality game show, resulting in the channel being shut down.
21 | No one wins the May general election.
22 | Everyone finally admits they don’t like craft beers.
23 | The government announces on the spot fines for any men found wearing frayed jeans or curry-brown pointy shoes.
25 | Journalists call time on writing 'humorous' lists just to fill space on their websites.