25 (Unlikely) Hopes For 2015

Russell Brand's new awakening and other foolish predictions for the year ahead

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1 | Louis Van Gaal is poached by Barcelona / Real / Brazil, leading to a one year extension of Man United-based schadenfreuden.

2 | Making dignified, private donations to charity 'goes viral' without anyone knowing or saying anything about it.

3 | The discovery that there really was a maester behind that rock, and The Hound is alive and well.

4 | Piers Morgan forgets his Twitter password.

5 | Richard Linklater celebrates his Best Director Oscar for Boyhood by giving his acceptance speech in 12 year intervals.

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6 | Lucasfilm decide to ‘do a Bowie’ and release the new Star Wars film without warning, saving us months of ‘teaser trailers’.

7 | The last remaining ‘man bun’ is found dead in Britain.

8 | Someone gives Katie Hopkins a hug and tells her everything is going to be OK.

9 | Russell Brand undergoes another period of important self-awakening – and never wears a deep V t-shirt ever again.

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10 | Prince William finally decides to bite the bullet and shave off his combover.

11 | Better Call Saul surprises us all.

12 | David Chase really is working on a The Sopranos prequel – and Paulie Walnuts is the lead character.

13 | Thierry Henry's new career as a pundit makes it much easier to watch football with your girlfriend.

14 | The new trend in East London artisan pop-up restaurants becomes eating your food from a plate, with a knife and fork, and drinking from a glass.

15 | The first ever case of an online article blowing someone’s mind is reported.

16 | True Detective 2 launches Vince’s ‘Vaughnaissance’, paving the way for an unlikely Oscar win in 2016.

17 | Google Glass is officially confirmed as the ‘minidisc of wearable tech’.

18 | Michael Owen is replaced as a commentator by the automated soundtrack from FIFA '15. No one notices.

19 | No one recreates a single thing in Lego.

20 | Badger-baiting becomes the latest quaint former British pastime to be resurrected by ITV for a new reality game show, resulting in the channel being shut down.

21 | No one wins the May general election.

22 | Everyone finally admits they don’t like craft beers.

23 | The government announces on the spot fines for any men found wearing frayed jeans or curry-brown pointy shoes.

24 | Taylor Swift returns our calls.

25 | Journalists call time on writing 'humorous' lists just to fill space on their websites.


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