17 Things You Aren't Going To Do This Summer

Forget your annual wishlist and relax

Spring, a time of hope and anticipation as the summer unfurls ahead of you.

A time of making outlandish plans and promises you ain’t ever going to keep.

Far better to accept that you aren’t going to actually do any of the following and relax.


1 | Buy a scooter for a wind in the hair, sunglasses on, short-sleeved commute. Face it, you’re too chicken.

2 | Go to the Regent Street Open Air Theatre. Probably sold out, like every year.

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3 | Install a pizza oven in your garden. £700 and it’s yours.

4 | Sign up for a triathlon. Should have been training since November.

5 | Go wild camping in Snowdonia. You need permits and stuff.

6 | Wear a seersucker suit. Really though?

7 | Stop watching TV in favour of reading classic novels in the park. So, no Game of Thrones series 5 then?

8 | Get your entire family around an outdoor trestle table in Tuscany serving large bowls of pasta. Would only end in an argument.

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9 | Play a season of village cricket. With your back?

10 | Learn Spanish in time for your autumn driving tour around Rioja. Que no senor!

11 | Do a capoeira class in the park. Do you want to be that guy?

12 | Buy a friendly dog to become your go-everywhere summer companion. 

13 | Open an experimental food truck at an outdoor festival. You mean you didn’t do this in 2011?

14 | Get an instructor to help you finally perfect the front crawl. Swimming lessons? At 32?

15 | Meditate in the woods. Stalker alert.

16 | Organise a community street party. Do you even know your nextdoor neighbours?

17 | Lose a stone. No comment.



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