It used to be that a roaming Sky Sports presenter's only job on transfer deadline day was to wear a sensible jacket and pronounce unrecognisable players' names correctly.
But now stadium concourses are cringe-laden warzones, littered with dildo-wielding saboteurs and opportunistic Vine 'stars' desperate to showcase their charmlessness to the world.
But Sky's resident ruddy-faced hard bastard Charles Paterson isn't a fan of such nonsense – and when he found out that a hen-do was being hosted nearby, he knew that some strong-arm tactics were needed.
He wasn't ready for the first woman, who thankfully didn't sink a sex toy into his ear canal, opting instead for a harmless "WAAHAAAYYY!"
But then another smart alec stepped forward, and Patterson was straight into enforcer mode. Before the guy could even sputter out his half-chewed joke, he was being shoved away from the camera with authoritative ease.
Watch the episode below: