The 11 True Detective Season 2 Quotes That Almost Made Us Stop Watching

...or had us laughing unintentionally

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True Detective's second season has meandered its way to a close.

After a stellar opening season, Nic Pizzolatto's HBO crime series was always going to struggle sans Harrelson and McConaughey – and despite a minor improvement in the later episodes – nobody could have quite prepared us for the onslaught of babbling thrown our way since episode one.

Rachel McAdams and Taylor Kitsch escape unscathed, but it's damage control for Vince Vaughn and Colin Farrell – Rust Cohle they ain't.

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Here are the ten lines of dialogue that almost had us switching off.

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1 | Every so often, detective Ray Velcoro (Colin Farrell) spoke poignant thoughts into a dictaphone while sat alone in his car – the fact that his 'son' will have to one day listen to these downtrodden musings (or not?) is more tragic than the show's central murder.

"I used to want to be an astronaut. But astronauts don't even go to the moon anymore." 
Ray Velcoro 

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2 | An attempt to carve out Vince Vaughn's would-be gangster as a character to be feared, but actually just terrible advice.

"Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating." 
Frank Semyon 

3 | An unsubtle dig at the promiscuous activity of Athena's detective sister, Ani (Rachel McAdams) – and one that could stop us eating quicker than Semyon's above quote.

"When you walk it's like erasers clapping." 
Athena Bezzerides 

4 | An unclear way of saying women purely exist to please men – which, especially when spoken by the only character who seems to have a decent marriage, is a load of cobblers.

A good woman mitigates our baser tendencies." 
Frank Semyon 
 

5 | Hands up if anyone – anyone – has ever used this word in everyday conversation. Anyone? No. Thought not.

"Frankly, I'm apoplectic." "I'm feeling a little apoplectic myself."
Ray Velcoro / Frank Semyon 

6 | The sort of line Pizzolatto probably coined before closing the laptop and reclining in a seat, convinced he'd just come up with a classic.

"I never lost a tooth. I've never even had a fucking cavity."
Frank Semyon 
  

7 | We have nothing...

"Your compensatory projection of menace is a guarantor of its lack."
Ray Velcoro 

8 | Probably the least expected comeback in television history.

"Maybe, and this is just a thought, maybe you were put on this earth for more than fucking." "Everything is fucking."
 – Ani Bezzerides / Vera 
 

9 | Some advice: if you're going for profundity, don't use whores and pimps as the analogy.

"I always saw a difference between a whore and a pimp. A whore can still have integrity."
Frank Semyon 
 

10 | Spoken to Vince Vaughn. Our mouths are closed.

"You can't act for shit."
Jordan Semyon  

11 | Oh, who are we kidding – this one we liked.

"That's one for the bucket list. A Mexican standoff with actual Mexicans"
Frank Semyon 

Any we missed?

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