In these increasingly health-conscious times, it's heartening to know that the 'five second rule' (in which food that has been dropped on the floor can be picked up and safely eaten within a five second time-frame) still holds authority over us all.
But now, as part of a bumper day of apocalypse-dawning food news, a study by researchers at Rutgers University in New Jersey has found that bacteria can contaminate floored grub in less than a second.
Researcher Donald Schaffner says the five-second rule is a "significant oversimplification of what actually happens when bacteria transfer from a surface to food."
Hate to tell you this, Donald and Donald's other science mates, but we all knew this already. You've wasted your time. We're just going to ignore you, just like we ignore our better judgement every time a 3am kebab cascades out of our grasp.
Now, just let us eat our pavement doner in peace. That's all we ask.