Cancel The Apocalypse! Eating Cheese Is The Secret To Living A Long Life

It's the spurious dairy science 2016 was crying out for

In stunning news that changes everything forever, it turns out humankind's greatest invention – cheese – could actually be the key to living a long life.

Already essential to any notion of a happy life, new research from Nature Medicine has linked cheese – or specifically a compound found in it called spermidine – with increased lifespan in mice and rats, meaning your habit of grating a fist-sized chunk of grana padono onto your pasta or face-bombing half a wheel of camaberet like it's a slice of watermelon might be keeping you around for longer, too.

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After testing the theory on the happy rodents those same scientists surveyed 800 Italians - who as we all know love their cheese - and found that those with a higher intake of spermidine had lower blood pressure, a 40% lower risk of heart failure and a reduced risk of other cardiovascular diseases.

There is, of course, one small caveat to this, which is that the fat in cheese could cancel out the effects of spermidine. A better source of the stuff can be found in peas, corn, soy beans and whole grains – all probably safer bets in your bid for eternal life.

But in the spirit of post-fact politics, we're planning to ignore that part and sit watching the world burn with a mature stilton stuffed in one cheek and a robust cheddar in the other. Happy days.