If, for argument's sake, we had a regular slot called 'technology porn', this would be our first entry. Here are three new handsets you'll soon be able to get your hands on. Insert joke about phone sex or something similar here.
HTC Touch Pro II
Whatever the sycophants say, this is a more rewarding design than the iPhone, its textured aluminium fascia and vented grilles adding to its weighty appeal. The “TouchFlo” interface has also improved significantly, even if it’s still not quite as polished as the iPhone’s. Our favourite functions are less immediately visible: like the hidden, full QWERTY keypad, and the conference-style speakerphone that activates simply by turning the handset face-down. www.htc.com
Sony Ericsson W995
A veritable Victorinox of mobile telephony, there’s little this multimedia slider-phone can’t do: WiFi connectivity, an 8.1MP camera, mood-determined music playlists, sat nav, and live video streaming are all achievable, while the audio quality of its MP3 player is befitting of Sony’s Walkman heritage. Magnifying glass and toothpick not included. www.sonyericsson.co.uk
Orange/LG Watch Phone
On the one hand, using this phone will require either speaking into your wrist - Dick Tracy style - or employing it in conjunction with a Bluetooth headset, neither of which are instantly attractive propositions. But look at it another way: it will prevent you microwaving your crown jewels on a daily basis, and the compact mobile/timepiece aesthetic is an attractive one. www.orange.co.uk/watchphone