Top five Brit TV shows we want Hollywood to adapt

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With Hollywood going through another of its let's-plunder-readymade-concepts-from-old-TV-shows phases - current remakes in the pipeline include He-Man, Magnum PI, Gilligan's Island and, at last, The A-Team (directed by Ridley Scott and with Liam Neeson this week being linked to the pivotal Hannibal role we thought was made for Clooney) - it can’t be long before execs run out of material and start fully exploiting our own back catalogue. Here are five projects that may or may not be under discussion:

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1 Lovejoy (PG)
Tagline: "He picked a hell of a boot sale to quit smoking..."
Directed by Ron Howard

On the North-West Chilterns antique scene, no man is better at turning worthless tat into gold than Jefferson Lovejoy (Nicholas Cage). But when he's asked at a car-boot if he can get his hands 'on one of those Holy Grails', he soon realises he's going to need a lot more than big hair, easy charm and a dusty Volvo estate. Can he keep his alcoholic-savant assistant Tinker (Russell Crowe) out of the pub long enough to defeat the Knights Templar, hold off armageddon and still clear five grand?

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2 Only Fools and Horses (12)
Tagline: "This time next year we'll be freakin' billionaires"
Directed by Cameron Crowe

Tom Cruise is Del-Boy Trotter, a down on his luck drifter who dreams of being a proper wide-boy, but whose destiny is blocked by loyalty to his retarded brother Rodney (Tim Robbins) and demented Uncle Albert (Anthony Hopkins). Now Del-Boy must make the ultimate choice: honour his mother's dying wish to keep the family together, or leave for the city on his yellow quad trike and become the successful shifter of 'hooky' gear his Daddy never was.

 

3 Minder (18)
"Say hello to my little friend... his name's Terry"
Directed by Brian De Palma 

On the bloody streets of Tooting Bec, violence and betrayal are your daily companions and a colt 45 your only friend. Elderly mobster Arthur Daley (Al Pacino) needs a man - and a lock-up - he can trust. Brutal assassin and legendary ladies man Terry McCann (Sean Penn) is looking for a fresh start after 12 years inside. At the Winchester Club they make a deal that will change both their lives forever: Terry must help find an anniversary gift for 'Er Indoors or leave SW16 forever.

 

4 Last of the Summer Wine (PG)
"Stop pushing that bath and pass me my bullet-proof string vest" 
Directed by Clint Eastwood

When three former-FBI operatives Compo (Jack Nicholson), Clegg (Clint Eastwood) and Foggy (Gene Hackman) move to a retirement community in the Yorkshire Dales, their idyllic new life is spent drinking home brew, wearing heavy tweed and pushing each other down hills in tin baths. But when neighbour Nora Batty (Meryl Streep) is felt up on the bus by city folk on a day-trip from York, they're forced to muster all their old skills for one last job, and restore peace and tranquillity to their beloved Holmfirth.

 

5 'Allo 'Allo (15)
"Amelie meets Schindler's List" 
Directed by Sam Mendes

Rural France, 1942. In a continent torn apart by war, humble café owner René Artois (Kevin Spacey) is keeping the French spirit alive the only way he knows how -  by juggling affairs with three waitresses while trying to keep it a secret from his ugly and annoying wife (Dame Judi Dench). But when sadistic German colonel Herr Flick (Paul Bettany) arrests the leader of the French resistance, Rene must zip up his trousers and embark on a journey which will take him to the dark heart of the Third Reich - with hilarious consequences.

 

Words by Will Hersey