Holidays are coming! We’re all about to jet off to hot, sunny, gloriously exotic climes to lounge on beaches and swig cocktails from glasses with paper umbrellas poking out of the top. But before a girl can even think about those sugary concoctions, there is serious business to attend to: the planning.
Boyfriends of the world – I would just go with the flow and let us girls get to work
I thought going on holiday was meant to be a good thing. Why the stress?
It’s not stress, it’s conscientiousness.
Seems like stress to me.
Well it wasn’t until you called it that. (Tip: calling me stressed is a prophetic statement of the dangerously self-fulfilling kind. If I wasn’t before then I most certainly will be once you’ve uttered those words.
But can’t you just pack light like I do?
A girl’s outfit has a large number of components, right down to the shoes and various other accessories. Unlike men, these components are not all mix-and-matchable and hence take longer to pack, taking up more space. You wear the same watch come rain, come shine (unless you’re Kanye West, but you’re not). How we envy you! I have a larger assortment of clothing items than may be ideal, but this is essential for creating passable holiday wear.
But it’s a holiday – no one’s going to see you. We’re there to relax, right?
I beg to differ. Plenty of people will see me and the fact that we don’t know them does not mean that it’s alright for them to think badly of me. Whilst on holiday, I need outfits that I am content to be seen abroad in, to be photographed in, and that will accentuate my newly acquired tan whilst masking the ill-effects of hot weather, like sweat or streaky sun cream marks. So long as I look and feel ok, I won’t annoy you by complaining about my inappropriate shoes. See: I do consider your sanity, too.
Of course I do. Besides, amid all this, I want you to think that I look good as well, which is difficult in the heat.
But you look fine as you...
As I am? We know you think that will hurry us up so that you can get down to the bar quicker. Believe me, I want a drink in my hand as well.
That makes two of us.
So, if you’re so super-organised before we travel, why the incessant double checking of everything before we can shut the front door?
Once the clothes have been taken care of, then there are the tickets, passports, money and all that jazz. I will only be happy if I can double check the timings of everything so that I know – in my heart of hearts – that we are leaving the house in time to catch our flight.
Once we are in motion, I will be a different person. Promise.
Is there anything in this for me?
Well we girls tend to remember some of those bits and bobs that you might suddenly desire mid-holiday. Call it a maternal instinct. The plasters may just be for me because I’m anticipating my flip-flops rubbing but I’m pretty sure the after-sun, bite cream and Alka-Seltzer will come in handy for you too. Aren’t I helpful?
No comment. So you can faff about with lists but why do I have to have one too?
Oh you don’t. Just don’t come crying to me when you’ve forgotten your phone charger.