Listen, I know that Halloween is all about dressing up in bizarre outfits and frightening people, but Christian Bale has taken it way too far. Over the weekend, the actor took a stroll in L.A. wearing a truly terrifying getup:
*Shudder*
Oh, this isn't a costume, you say? Then...why? Why is he wearing billowing cargo shorts that sheathe his entire bottom half in folds of olive drab and sadness. Why does he need so much room around his legs? Is he hiding something? Maybe he's hiding something. Here, in no particular order, are a few things Christian Bale could be hiding in his gigantic cargo shorts:
- Another, shorter Christian Bale.
- All of his Halloween candy.
- Fellow Method Actor Jared Leto.
- 33,000 emails.
- The batsuit, lower half only.
- A Jon Hamm-rivaling appendage.
- Three to five backup Adidas track jackets.
Yes, that must be it. Because a mobile, pants-based hiding place is the only thing that could really justify this:
Oh, and lest you think this is a one-time transgression, it isn't. Bale wore the same pair of cargos on yet another stroll last month. They looked just as awful at the time.
Scary stuff.
Christian, you're clearly devoted to your cargos. And that's OK! It'd just be a whole lot better if you went for a pair that, you know, actually fit you. Here are three options to get you started on your path to recovery.
J. Crew
Wallace & Barnes cargo flight pant (£105) by J. Crew, jcrew.com
Todd Snyder
Infantry herringbone cotton cargo trousers (£241) by Todd Snyder, mrporter.com
Engineered Garments
Cotton cargo trousers (£257) by Engineered Garments, mrporter.com
