Billions Of Fleas With Giant Penises Are Set To Invade London

Brilliant...​

As well as soaring house prices, heavy pollution and pop-up restaurants, Londoners can now look forward to an impending invasion of fleas wielding giant penises.

With an appendage that measures in at two-and-a-half times the size of their own bodies, these so-called super fleas and their jumbo members have made their way over to the UK from Europe. (It's probably Brussels's fault, isn't it? )

A Flea with a big instrument
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Thanks to mild winters and warm, damp summers, the number of fleas has risen dramatically over the past three years. 

Speaking to The Mirror Rob Simpson, of pest control group Basis Prompt, said: "Fleas which would usually remain dormant for much longer, became active sooner, leading to more prolific breeding and therefore a larger population."

So as well as melting icecaps, potential apocalypse and Al Gore, global warming could also unleash upon us a plague of horrible biting insects with enormous tackles?

Great...