Did you feel that? It's the winds of desperation blowing into the souls of singletons across the country. The chill of winter can leave even the most independent of us anxious to spend November to March watching endless Netflix series we privately think are overrated: just as long as there's someone there with us.
For if the first fall of snow / turning on of lights / some annoying John Lewis advert marks the start of the Christmas season, previously discarded flings suddenly popping up in your inbox confirms that another time is upon us: cuffing season.
In case you're not up to speed, cuffing season is defined thus by the
Oxford English Urban Dictionary:
"During the Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be "Cuffed," or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed."
Whilst the thought of unconscious coupling might be charming to some, the idea of being tricked into five months of discussing whether to put the heating on is too much for others.
As such, here's some questions to ask yourself to assess whether you have indeed, been cuffed.
- If there a faint whiff of desperation to the message that's just appeared in your inbox, perhaps they've asked if you're free "tonight, tomorrow or some time soon? BEFORE THE NEW YEAR?"
- Have you woken up trapped in their flat by a wall of Starbucks Christmas red cups?
- Is there a printed schedule of the winter months taped to their desk with the first day of spring circled in red?
- Do they dress you up in an abominable snowman onesie and tag you on Instagram as "My winter beau!"?
- Did your first lukewarm date end without so much of a text, and now they're talking about ice skating all the time?
- Have they uttered the phrase "Snuggling Season" or argued it's the most wonderful time of the year?
If any of the above applies to your new relationship, get out. Get out now.