Wire tapping. Russian meddling. Fake news. None of these compare to the real saga of the always-controversial Trump administration. And it's a saga that can be summed up with two simple words: Scotch tape.
Yeah, that's right. You know what's coming: episode four of "Donald Trump and the Curious Case of the Taped Tie." First we noticed back in December that Trump tapes the skinny end of his tie to the wide one. A truly schoolboy sartorial move if ever there was one. At the time, we speculated that this might be because he wears his ties so damn long. The skinny end can't reach the keeper loop? No problem! Just tape it in place.
Then it happened again in January. Twice. And we realised that the man simply does not understand how ties work.
And now, as you can see from this recent photo, we've reached critical tape mass. For some completely inexplicable reason, Donald Trump has three—yes, three—pieces of tape on the back of his tie. It can't just be the unreasonably long length, as we previously believed. You can plainly see the slim end of the tie is through the keeper loop in this shot.
So just what the hell is going on here? There are so many questions.
- How long before Trump is wearing literally nothing but Scotch tape around his neck?
- Is it actually Scotch brand tape, from manufacturer 3M?
- Does Trump have a large stake in 3M?
- Is the road to authoritarianism paved with tape?
- Is it simply that Trump is trying to make everyone's heads explode with confusion?
At this point we need Fox Mulder and Dana Scully to unravel this mystery for us. The truth is out there, dammit. We want to know what it is.
