1 | Shorts to Work
In theory, why not? In practice, because your legs are the colour of printer paper and those shorts have a drawstring.
2 | The Crumpled All-Linen Suit
You think you’re chanelling David Niven. You’re actually hitting supply languages teacher.
3 | Tight white Jeans
Only to be attempted on meditteranean islands by people with mahogany tans and surnames ending in ‘i’.
4 | The Tossed Sweater
5 | Flip-flops in the City
Just impractical and irritating. For you and everyone else. And being Australian is only a partial excuse.
6 | Three-quarter Length Trousers
There’s a fine line between being well-ventilated and trying a bit too hard.
7 | Football Replica Shirts in the Pub
Yes, even when they're ironically 'retro' and there’s a World Cup on.
8 | Too Short Shorts
Ask yourself: are you really a hot pants kind of guy?
9 | Sports Sunglasses
You know, those ones with the curvy fisheye frames and gold mirror lenses. Makes you look like a teenager on a school cricket tour.
10 | Heel Plasters
Because the ‘no socks’ look really isn’t worth limping for.
11 | The Singlet
Vest, wife-beater, sleeveless T-shirt. Whatever you call it, leave it to the roller-bladers of Venice beach.
12 | Facial Sunburn
Sloppy. Raises basic questions of self-management. And women notice these things.
13 | Hairy Back
Women definitely notice these things.
14 | The All-black Look
You may be in denial that the seasons have changed but you’re making the rest of us feel hot.
15 | The Roman Centurion Sandal
They look great on girls. And that’s reason enough to steer well clear.
16 | Man Cleavage
Whether it’s a deep v-neck or too many shirt buttons undone, ask yourself: do you want to be like this guy?
17 | Black Socks With Shorts
There’s no clearer sign that you and your wardrobe are not built for summer. That is, except for…
18 | Cheap Slogan T-Shirts
Ones that say things like Milwaukee Athletic Club or South Beach Harbour Patrol but were bought in a Westfield bargain bin.
19 | Beaded Choke Chain
It’s time to let that Thailand holiday go.
20 | Ordering a Jug of Pimm’s...
In a pub garden during the first warm weekend of the year. Come on, give it a week.