Brad Pitt Just Tried - And Failed - To Make Wearing All White A Thing Again

Some things are better left in the past

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Here is a list of things that were good in the '90s

  • Pogs
  • Premier League goalkeeping kits with padded elbows and mad patterns
  • Pokemon cards
  • Sportswear
  • Sunny D
  • Water pistols
  • Ocarina of Time on the N64
  • Michael Owen before his joints turned into biscuits
  • Outkast

Do you know what is conspicuous in its absence from the above list and should therefore not be resurrected at any cost?

Wearing head-to-toe platinum white with pink-tinted shades... even if your name is Brad Pitt.

Even then.

F*****g hell, Brad
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Look, we know that Brad Pitt's been having a bit of a rough time of late, we get it. He's been doing some pottery, listening to some Bon Iver, working on HIMSELF, which is important. But was there not a point, prior to this outfit being unleashed upon the world at the premiere of his new film War Machine, when one of his team took him to one side and said: "Brad, pal, look, you're 53-years-old and - don't get us wrong - you look really good for it... really good, but you're wearing nothing but white, Brad. You look like you're off to get married in the Bahamas, Brad. What are you doing, Brad?"

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Why, Brad?

If you actually want to attempt head-to-toe white then at least add a modicum of contrast; a Breton t-shirt or trousers in bone, tan or stone grey. Something, anything, to stop you looking like this...

Or this.

Remember East 17?

Or this.

Or, finally, this.